Penny Thoughts by Jeseca Lowell |
|
|
the lyrics to WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS by Joe Cocker... so what do i say after the last week? i don't know but i know that i wanted to say two small words... thank you. it's been difficult, the sadness coming in waves, not understanding why he had to go so soon, my own internal struggle about not doing, being enough for the man that brought me into this world... but beyond the sadness, the confusion, the tears what i saw, what i felt was an incredible amount of love and support for me and my family (yeah, dad, i guess you were there, too, this time <3). i went back to work pretty quickly, tried to put myself back into regular life even though everyone thought i was crazy, even though it was pushing myself extremely hard... but that's just who i am at the end of the day. here's the truth though i would have never been able to come back so quickly without each and everyone one of you. there's something inside me that needs to take care of the people around me. my father is no longer on this earth in the same sense. no, i won't be able to ever call him again or give him a hug or irritate him with a bad lesbian joke but i am still here. and when i need him, i can think of him and know that he will know everything my heart says that my lips can no longer tell him. if he taught me anything, he taught me that the people in life are important. i fell apart, shattered once before in my life and wouldn't let anyone around me help me pick up the pieces... but this time around? this time around i couldn't keep any of you out and i can't begin to tell you how much all of your love has meant to me. so thank you to everyone who gave me a hug and expressed such amazing sorrow. thank you to everyone who sent me wishes and love in text messages or on facebook or in whatever fashion they came. thank you to everyone who held my hand while i cried, who gave me a minute when a wave of sadness took over. thank you to everyone out there who covered my shifts and let me sit down in a middle of a shift because i was so sad and anyone who would have covered my shifts if i hadn't been so damn stubborn.... someone asked me the other day why i went back to work so quickly. how in the world did i come back a day after my father died? how was i even capable? and it's a fair question, an absolutely fair question but i had three choices... 1. i could have helped make the funeral choices but i was emotionally, mentally incapable. b. i could have sat in my house, drowned in sorrow, driving myself crazy with all the things i didn't do for him. or 3. i could go back to a place where i knew love would surround me... in my life, i have been shattered and i have been so unbelievable sad and i have learned that if you can surround yourself with light, it helps ease the hurt just a little bit... so thank you, every single one of you, for being more then just there for me and my family... thank you for the love that you showered us with. i couldn't get by without knowing that you are all there for me even if i sing a little out of tune sometimes <3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCrlyX6XbTU "A Little Help From My Friends" What would you think if sang out of tune, Would you stand up and walk out on me ? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song And I'll try not to sing out of key. Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends What do I do when my love is away (Does it worry you to be alone ?) How do I feel by the end of the day, (Are you sad because you're on your own ?) No, I get by with a little help from my friends Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends Do you need anybody I need somebody to love Could it be anybody I want somebody to love. Would you believe in a love at first sight Yes I'm certain that it happen all the time What do you see when you turn out the light I can't tell you but I know it's mine, Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends Do you need anybody, I just need someone to love Could it be anybody, I want somebody to love. Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends with a little help from my friends.
0 Comments
the lyrics to OB LA DI, OB LA DA by The Beatles... i sit here, knowing that i have to write these words but not knowing what to say. for all the beautiful prose my mind can create, they fail me now. my father died on Monday night. he'd been sick but it was sudden, thinking that we had more time with him because who would think that at 61 years old he would pass? and quite honestly i don't know how to process this, all seeming very unreal... but it is very real that i will no longer be able to call my father and tell him about my life, about my daughter's life, about all the things yet to come. it is very real that the man that brought me into this world is no longer in it. so, tonight, i do the one thing i know how to do, i write because it's the only way i know how to communicate what i can't speak. so, tonight, these are the words i send to my father who has found a place somewhere up there. i chose this song tonight because he loved the Beatles, oh how he loved the Beatles. i chose this song in particular because i remember how he would sing it when i was a little girl. he was a good man, a good man with a big heart and a kind spirit. we didn't always get along but i know at the end of the day i was my father's daughter, from the his looks that were passed down to me to the sensitive soul that he carried inside. my father was a man with faults and idiocies and things that drove us all crazy but my father was also a man, a father who loved his family. we didn't always do things right or the way that he wanted but he was a good enough father to let us figure out our own falls and our own victories. at the end of the day, all he wanted was for us to be happy in whatever fashion we found it. he felt every tear we cried and celebrated every joy. i remember being a little girl and thinking how big he was, how incredibly strong, how smart he was. and as i grew, as most do, i lost that wonder but i never lost the love i had for him even if i didn't show him as much as i should have. while i sit here heartbroken and so incredibly sad, i know that he found peace and i know that where ever he is right now, he is looking down at all of us and smiling because we were all together celebrating him. so i will remember my father the way he deserves. i will remember being that little girl pretending to be asleep so he would carry me upstairs. i will remember being that little girl sitting on his lap watching Star Trek, sipping his beer that i thought was disgusting but sipped from his can anyway because i wanted to be like my dad. i will remember him buying me a Dr. Pepper and a Watchamacallit every time we stopped at a gas station. i will remember my father hugging me so tightly the day my cat died at fifteen, loving me so intently in that moment. i will remember my father telling me how proud he was of me when i had my own little girl and the way he loved her when she had known no other father. and i will remember my father walking down that aisle to my husband, how he squeezed my hand to stop me from shaking. my father, my sweet father, is no longer with us and it hurts... but the memories will be with us forever, his love with never leave us, and i know he is at peace now... there are so many words, so many beautifully put together things i would say if he was standing in front of me right now but all i want to say is i love you, dad....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAXc2kNzN-0 "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" Desmond has a barrow in the market place Molly is the singer in a band Desmond says to Molly "girl I like your face" And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra La-la how the life goes on Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra La-la how the life goes on Desmond takes a trolley to the jewellers stores Buys a twenty carat golden ring (Golden ring?) Takes it back to Molly waiting at the door And as he gives it to her she begins to sing (Sing) Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra La-la how the life goes on Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra La-la how the life goes on, yeah (No) In a couple of years they have built A home sweet home With a couple of kids running in the yard Of Desmond and Molly Jones (Ah ha ha ha ha ha) Happy ever after in the market place Desmond lets the children lend a hand (Arm! Leg!) Molly stays at home and does her pretty face And in the evening she still sings it with the band Yes, ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra La-la how the life goes on (Ha ha ha) Hey, ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra La-la how the life goes on In a couple of years they have built A home sweet home With a couple of kids running in the yard Of Desmond and Molly Jones (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha) Yeah, happy ever after in the market place Molly lets the children lend a hand (Foot!) Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face And in the evening she's a singer with the band Yeah, ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra La-la how the life goes on Yeah, ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra La-la how the life goes on And if you want some fun Take ob-la-di ob-la-da (Thank you, uh, ha ha ha!) the lyrics to DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGER by Oasis... is there a reason tonight why i post this? not specifically but it came on my mix while i was folding laundry and, of course, music has always inspired some sort of feelings in me. i started thinking about life, where i've been and where i've ended up and where i want to go. i started thinking about all the people that have come and gone, are here now, and all the possibilities of who i will meet tomorrow. and i don't know. i just remember being a pretty angry person when i look back now. sure, i had valid reasons. i mean we all do because life isn't always kind, isn't always fair, isn't always what we thought it would be. and, yeah, we get angry because it's not how we want to remember ourselves, not how we wanted it to go down... but here's the thing it's how it happened and all those things that make you angry about whoever you used to be or whatever you went through make up all the joy you are today. there was a time in my life where a single name would send me spinning, a word would shut me down completely, a slight thought would bring me to my knees... and then i understood that i had a choice when i looked back at my life. i could remember only the tragedy or i could embrace the beauty in between. i don't look back at my life's wrong choices with such judgement anymore because what's the point? i made those choices and sometimes they weren't right. and the ones, the moments, the pain that was out of my control are still my mistakes to own, to learn, to move on from... it's easier sometimes to remember all the things wrong with life then to truly appreciate all the things right about it. it's easier to demonize ourselves rather then acknowledge our own self worth. it's easier to pluck out all dark and ignore our bright. so, tonight, as i was folding laundry (which often inspires something in me... i don't understand either), i thought about all of these things and i realized there is more memories in my life now that make me smile then frown.... and what a wonderful wrinkle to have :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8OipmKFDeM Slip inside the eye of your mind Don't you know you might find A better place to play You said that you'd never been All the things that you've seen Will slowly fade away So I'll start the revolution from my bed Cos you said the brains I had went to my head Step outside 'coz summertime's in bloom Stand up beside the fireplace Take that look from off your face You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by Her soul slides away, "But don't look back in anger", I heard you say Take me to the place where you go Where nobody knows if it's night or day Please don't put your life in the hands Of a Rock n Roll band Who'll throw it all away Gonna start the revolution from my bed 'Coz you said the brains I had went to my head Step outside 'coz summertime's in bloom Stand up beside the fireplace, take that look from off your face 'Coz you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out So Sally can wait She knows it's too late as she's walking on by My soul slides away "But don't look back in anger", I heard you say So Sally can wait She knows it's too late as we're walking on by Her soul slides away "But don't look back in anger", I heard you say So Sally can wait She knows it's too late as she's walking on by My soul slides away "But don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger" I heard you say, "at least not today"  the lyrics to GLOW by Donavon Frankenreiter... yeah, i'm not really familiar with this guy either but I was listening to my Milk app this morning as I cleaned up my kitchen after my husband and then the living room after my daughter (though I've told her for the past week to clean it up) and this song came on my mix. it just made me feel good. and what doesn't feel better then a lazy Sunday afternoon? so i won't go on here, just wanted to spread a little love this morning. i want to see everybody glow :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBeUnfOwTt4 I wanna be your rush love, I wanna hold you to the stars The way light shines in the park on a Sunday afternoon I want you to be big, want you to be gold, I want you to be, sky The more things change The more they shine [Chorus] Glow, I wanna see you glow I wanna see your daylight shining all around your Heart I wanna see you glow, I wanna see your daylight so bright All around my soul I wanna see you soar love, oh, I wanna see you fly Kick of the world in the dark and just dive, just dive The more things change The more they shine [Chorus] I'll run this world with you (glow, I wanna see you glow) And I'll run this world with you (glow, I wanna see you glow) Glow, I wanna see you glow I wanna see your daylight shining all around your Heart I wanna see you glow, I wanna see your daylight so bright All around my glow, I wanna see you glow I wanna see your daylight shining all around your Heart I wanna see you glow, I wanna see your daylight so bright All around my soul |
Archives
January 2020
Categories |
RSS Feed
