Sometimes when I'm at work, I think of these life lists. Waiting tables, of course, provides a plethora of inspiration. I meet a million different types of people and I see the same kinds over and over again. It has gotten to a point within the first two sentences of interaction with a table I pretty much got them pegged. That being said it is nice when they surprise me. I've added a few new plights of being a server to my previous list. This is all in good humor. If you don't find it funny, it's cool. This industry isn't for everyone.
1. Ranch is a luxury, not necessity. No, you don't need a ranch for your sandwich and your fries and your Sweet Tea.
2. Hey, listen guys, I'm sorry I don't have lemonade. No, I don't know what your kids are supposed to drink. Ranch, maybe?
3. Yes, those sugars are put on the table specifically for your kid to throw them all on the floor. Sure, it's OK if your kid also dumps the entire contents of the salt and pepper all over the table. I'm glad we could provide them entertainment. I hope they dump an entire bag of sugar in the creases of your leather couch when you get home...
4. I absolutely have all the time in the world to refill your water 18 times...
5. No, I cannot turn the air conditioning down. While you are sitting peacefully enjoying the meal I brought you, I'm running a marathon that's been going on for ten hours. You can bring a sweater. I, on the other hand, can't serve you topless... unless you're into that sort of thing I guess... Touche.
6. I'm glad to make you a drink to take with you... and I appreciate it when you leave it on the table after you leave.. My time was well spent.
7. And if you want ranch to drown your sorrows in, please let me know when you order your food. Believe you me I will still charge you for it. You're not beating the system.
8. No, I can't turn down the music. It makes the world go round.
9. And, no, I will not turn every television to one game or three games just for you specifically when there are other people in the restaurant. You have a living room which I'm sure has a television which I'm sure has a couch and a kitchen that you can make your own wings in.
10. Yes, please, sit on the patio in front of the giant sign that says "Please see hostess for seating." If you stare at it long enough, perhaps a server will magically appear... cuz that's how life works.
Disclaimer: Yes, these are snarky but it's all in good fun. And if it helps to make some server's life a little bit easier, then I've done some good.
Treat your servers well. They are a wonderful sort of people :)
I've had this list rolling around my head for the last week or so but just hadn't had a chance to sit down and write it out. Let's be honest. I've been enjoying some time doing absolutely nothing. Last week I was at work (as usual) and I kept getting these really dumb questions (as usual). I started thinking about the questions that people ask me or any server that would indicate that I'm probably not going to get a decent tip. So, for the lighter side of Sunday, here is a list of questions by customers ask that 9 out of 10 times means I'm waiting on these people for free.
Red Flag #1: "Do I get free refills?"
-That question may seem pretty innocent but these are the people that will drink 6 Dr. Peppers in 4 minutes and will not reciprocate the energy it took you to keep up with their guzzling problem.
Red Flag #2: "Do the Kids Meals get free drinks?" or "Can (as an adult) order from the Kids Menu?"
-I'm a parent. I remember what it was like feeding my often picky small daughter and being on a very tight budget but if we were going out to dinner, then we were going out to dinner. I would have to give her something to drink either way, right?
Red Flag #3: When they order a salad, then you tell them that will be an upcharge and then change it to fries or ask what is not an upcharge
- If they can't afford a $.70 upcharge, then it's pretty clear that they are going to be pretty stingy on the tip, too.
Red Flag #4: Their Bill is $19.40 and they hand you a $20 and tell you to keep the change.
- Thanks? Just so you know I will be returning that $.60 to you so you understand that I know you are a jerk.
Red Flag #5: When you drop the check off and 2 seconds later they have already bounced.
- Now honestly this one could go either way. Sometimes you get crazy good tips and people are just humble about their kindness but it's usually the other way around. They leave a poo tip and run as fast as they can before the Server sees it because they know that just left a poo tip and are ashamed of themselves (as they should be).
Red Flag #6: "So what do you like to eat?"
- Stop. Just stop asking your servers this question. I don't mind telling you what I like to eat but I don't know you or taste buds. Plus after working in any one restaurant more than likely your Server doesn't really eat much from that Restaurant anymore. Plus I've got 17 other tables who are asking me the same question so... Most places write out very clearly what is in any of the food items. You are an adult who can read and also knows what you enjoy eating. So please read and you tell me what you would like to eat. Servers are many things with many talents but most are not psychic.
Red Flag #7: The customer announces they are also a Server.
- Again this one could go either way. They understand your plight. They get it. And the ones that really get it, always tip great. But there are the ones that are the worst tippers ever. I get it. Sometimes we don't always make the money so we're on pretty tight budgets but if you don't have the money to tip your Server, then you don't really have the money to eat at a restaurant where a tip is required. McDonald's is right around every corner, bud.
Red Flag #8: "Don't worry. I'll take care of you."
- It gives you the illusion that these customers are going to take great care of you so you put in the extra effort for them... only to see the tip and realize it was all a ploy. Thanks for the $4 on $50. Just to be clear that is not taking care of your Server.
Red Flag #9: The Verbal Tip
- This one never bodes well. You give this table the best service they ever had. They laugh with you and joke with you. You've made them smile and then they tell you that was the best time they ever had and they will definitely come back to see you because you the Server were an awesome human being. And then you look at that tip... They left a 5% tip. Thanks. Glad you told me how awesome I was though... I'll let my power bill know that.
NOTE: This blog was meant for the kicks of it. No malice was intended... but if you do any of these things, please stop. Just stop. Sincerely, Servers everywhere.
I've looked around me and I've found my joy again. I've found my smile once more. I was working on some doodles this afternoon, enjoying a little time to just be in my head without having to worry about who needs a refill of Sweet Tea. I started thinking about the great things I learned from the positive things in my life. So, tonight, I don't want to focus on the aggravations. I want to celebrate all the wonder that dances through my days.
It's almost been a week since I took part in one of the biggest, most peaceful protest in US History. I am still as proud in this minute as I was when we first took those first steps in that march. Since then, I've seen a lot of articles and I've read a lot of troubling words. These words that make me worry, that make me sad, that make me angry. Words that tried to invalidate why so many people came together to make a difference. As in most things in my life, I self reflect. Where I am right now is no different. What I have realized in the last week has been both beautiful and heartbreaking. These are the things that I learned from the Women's March, the march for equality for everyone.
I haven't done a list lately and as I am sitting here listening to some Beatles, counting down the days until a new year begins, I thought it would be appropriate to reflect upon the fleeting year. There has been joy and sorrow, gain and loss. All of these things that help us grow, that tell us all the things we already know. We just choose to not pay attention to them until the year starts winding down. There is something fascinating about a new year's impeding arrival and the way we all come to realizations about ourselves, about where we stand, about where we want these feet to take us. So what did I learn this year? And what did I regret? There's plenty of both. How many steps did I take forward? And how far did I fall back? It all evens out somehow. While I know I am better than I was a year ago today, I'm just as much of a work in progress as I will be tomorrow. Today let's reflect upon the moments of 2016, the joy and the sad.
Farewell, 2016. It's all uphill from here.
There has been a lot of reflection in my life as of lately and, if I am being honest, it's kind of bumming me out because I'm not really that serious of a person. You know though. Life happens. You take a step forward to take two steps back. It can be unbelievably aggravating to figure out why all that poo falls on you at once. I've thought about a lot of things. I've thought about my direction, the things I want to change. Then I ask myself how do all these things make me feel? Because what good is an unexamined life? Well, they make me feel pretty exhausted because at this point in my life I should be standing on solid ground. Instead, I'm floundering for my happy path. I turned on Grease tonight while waiting for my computer to update itself and the very last song came on, "There has to be something more than what they see." And I realized that the struggle in this life has taught me just as much if not more of who I am, where I am, and helped me figure out exactly where I want to go.
I think everyone knows my sick and twisted infatuation with one of the worst franchises, most ridiculous concepts put on television, The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I admit I have a problem. As much as I want to turn that channel, something sick inside keeps my hand still. This week Bachelor in Paradise wrapped up. Should I have said no? Apparently DARE taught me nothing as a child because I said yes. This is the honest truth. I do find Bachelor in Paradise a much more appealing show in all honesty. For some reason I think there is more of a chance for an actual relationship to stem from that one. Since I have made a list of all the things The Bachelor has taught me, I thought I would do one for all the things the Bachelor in Paradise has brought me as well. Please don't get offended. It's a just a television show :)
*Disclaimer: 95% is sarcasm based... except for Carly and Evan :)
I've sat on the other side of this for more than half of my working experience but I think this is important. As servers, many of us say that everyone should work in the business at least one time in their lives because once you see how hard we work customers could then understand why maybe they don't get that ranch immediately. I've learned how to be a better customer because I know what my server is having to deal with. I've learned how to be a better person because I understand how hard people in this industry work to make ends meet. We are supporting families, chasing dreams with the tips we make. We are trying to better ourselves to move on to the brighter side of life. So, maybe, as a customer we should have some compassion as we are sitting there in the cool air conditioner while our server is running around a hot kitchen refilling your sweet tea for the fifth time :) Just saying...
I found my niche when I was about fifteen years old. I found myself sitting in a coffee shop, loving the environment and the community of it. It is where I have written some of my most inspirational words. It is where I have fallen in love and broken my heart and laughed until I peed my pants. It was my sanctuary and the place I couldn't escape just the same. To be clear here I am not talking about Starbucks. Starbucks is not a coffee shop, not in the true terms of it. I am a misplaced beatnik and over the years I have learned some of my most valuable lessons sitting in the worn chairs. There is no place in the world that I feel more at peace then here. These are the things I learned from this coffee house world...
Walking around Vegas, I realized there were so many things not to do while you were. Being that it was my fifth time going, I've become quite the pro on what to do and what not to do. So, if you are planning on taking a Vegas trip to whoop it up, here is a list of things to know.
This isn't a requirement but go to the smaller Casinos, too. Visit them (don't stay in them) because they offer some quality people watching, more so than anywhere else in Vegas. And in case you wanted to know, I only saw one Elvis there. Strange.
I am just a girl, writing some rambling thoughts about this world. I hope you enjoy my sporatic thoughts.