The line "I should have known" runs through my head
I should have known better to think it would be that easy
I'll just work a little harder and then life will work like magic,
Easy Peasy like my mother used to say
But I was made a fool
And now what to do with this pickle?
Do I know better next time? Do better next time?
This cruel, stupid circle..
I said to him that I was the meanest person in the world
And he just looked sideways at me,
Knowing I was full of shit.
I'm far too much of a pushover for all that.
I should have known better this time, right?
I should have known better when I could feel how fake the smiles they threw at me were
But I walked away too late
And I guess I didn't care to look at those sugar coated grimaces much more after that.
So I sit here now at this little desk.
I write these words knowing whatever you take away from it probably won't be what I meant at all,
Knowing the subject will be completely oblivious either way
But you know what?
If I don't write these words, that line will keep taunting me.
I'll be stuck in this game of self blame,
Blinded by their mistake and my good intentions
Because that's all I got going for me,
These dumb good intentions that spill out regardless.
I can't look at you and think anything but what your shoes might feel like
Even when I know you could care less how mine fit.
I should have known better because that's what this life is, one disappointment after another,
But I can't stand that statement,
Can't accept that way of thinking
Even if I know reality is full of sharp edges.
Shame on me for still thinking on the bright side of life.
Shame on me for still be disappointed when people let me down when I want nothing but the best for them.
Shame on me for still getting hurt when I know you will, in fact, hurt me.
I should know better.
Yeah, I guess I should.
She looked at me and told me to stop.
And she was right.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.