It's a matter of heart, always feeling from my heart
But what happens when my heart falls empty?
Routines, stability, all these necessities
Battling the whim I wish I was.
Sometimes I drive down the road
And I grow jealous of that tree that leans.
What a simple path.
Planted, grow, stand, fade away.
Sighs seem to be only thing that I speak these days.
These sighs of aggravation, of letting it go
When half the time I just want to scream
But it never solves anything
Except an adrenaline release off my back.
Steps forward only to cartwheel back
And I am tired of keeping my shit together
But I will never walk away from my pieces that seem to always be falling.
We complicate for no reason
When we could just be a tree and just grow.
We throw sticks at each other to cover up the pain we feel when our own break
But it's not anyone's fault.
We're all just a little bitter.
I want their to be easy answers, clear lines, definitive decisions
But I also want to fuck off, too.
And finding this balance between is deafening.
Why can't I live my life like hand draws that line?
Freely and without expectation.
These small moments of reprieve become not enough little by little.
I say tomorrow will be better.
It's always better, just get through today
But how many todays have I wasted with that statement?
This struggle of just getting through the day,
Of counting pennies to steal from Paul,
Of grinding it out wear me down
And yet I keep going.
I keep going because she's looking,
Because he's looking,
Because I am always looking.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.