I guess there was a time when I knew,
I knew easily the direction I needed to take
But the older I get I seem to get distracted more easily.
I drove home the other day
And I thought the last words I would write.
Tears ran down my face, thinking of the all these words
That people wouldn't hear until I was gone.
I started to laugh
Shaking my head at the morbidness of this
Conversation that was happening In the middle of traffic
Because this life could be ended if the guy next to me decided to veer right.
These words that I imagine would never be spoken anyway.
The vitality of my life is long gone
That visceral need to shine or I'll burst faded
Yet I still feel this murmur in my heart thump.
Still trying to prove to myself that I can fly
When I've never been able to leave the ground.
I get too distracted by this life,
By all the practical things that need to be done
Knowing I will be the one to do what I gotta do
Even if it means I sacrifice this girl writing these words.
So I think about who will be sitting there after I go.
I think about all these things that I've never said and smile
Because when death finds me this will live on.
I drove thinking about what I should say to you before I go,
How we should all just say these things before it is too late, how silly it all is
But life wears shades of gray, folds of complications that we create ourselves.
We end up stuck in traffic, just a veer to the right away from it all slipping away.
The older I get I guess the more sedated I become.
It should make me angry but I'd rather take a nap then damn that man anymore.
Still, the thumps beat.
The older I get, I hear them much more clearly.
It's just the path that seems to be the struggle.
I'm so tired of feeling like a struggle but that's the joke.
That's always the joke.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.