She has the power to make me cry even when she's nowhere in sight,
the ability to make me laugh when I need it the most.
She never fails.
The words come with an emotion upon my heart that no one has ever inspired.
She speaks, I fall in love with every syllable.
She cries, I tear in a way I can't explain.
There is no in between with this little girl.
No common ground and, from her, I find it endearing.
She is so much like me.
There is nothing she cannot do.
Everything she does affects the world in the most fascinating ways.
She has magic in her fingertips, making beautiful music,
turning her tiny plastic piano into a grand orchestra.
I can't give her the justice she deserves, this child I created,
because in every way she outshines my most poetic lines.
She is the role model I never had, my greatest accomplishment.
She demands the best out of me
and I am happy to give her all that I am
because I want to, because I would never give her less, because I love her so.
She laughed with me under the glary afternoon sky.
It was one of those many days where the world revolved around us, our grand yet small lives.
I've seen her through all sorts of stages.
We've confessed just about all we could to each other but there's still so much more to tell.
When all is said and done, she's the one I want beside me.
Other people have a tendency to come into our mix,
disrupting our rambling afternoons but I suppose it's all right.
The world is our playground or we'll never stop pretending it is anyway.
She found a husband not too long ago, making our twosome a threesome.
He often asks what kind of drugs we're on but they all will do.
She's witness the best, been with me through the worst
and she's still with me among our coffee and smoke.
We laughed at the entire world together.
What else was there to do?
And there's so much more out there...
I know the moment you come into a room.
There is a million ways I would love to talk to you,
to just be real with you but it never seems to happen for us, does it?
We're always preoccupied with our busy lives, forgetting we're both human.
I wish I could call you sometimes just because
but you put ulterior motives on my plate that I've never had
You like to think I'm after one thing but I've never wanted to conquer you.
I see you clearly enough and what you think I'm about.
I wonder if we'll ever have the talk where I can, for once, just be myself without you second guessing me.
I can tell you my deepest, my most precious secrets but you would never hear.
You seem so genuine but are you? And I sigh...
What is the point of trying to convince you I am wonderful?
You don't want to see though you know it's true.
What would you do if you did? Run away?
You can stare into my eyes and never will you see me
because you stop yourself from looking deeper.
I want to grab your face, scream some sense into you.
I see you, who you are, but you think me dumb.
You seem sincere but are you? And I sigh...
Why must we play these games constantly?
I see you watch me.
I feel where your eyes travel.
You have no idea how much I enjoy that but your eyes tell me everything.
You'll make love to me
and never give me anything else... I give up.
I told him I did not believe in love at first sight
but lust was a completely different story.
He smirked, asking if I felt that now?
He made me laugh because he just blew his game.
I replied that I experienced it on a daily basis.
Looks are superficial and easily attainable.
There's a million circumstances under someone's attire,
I'm sure he understood.
He slyly said he would like to see what goes on beneath mine.
We lit cigarettes in awkward silence, letting the smoke build a wall between us.
I asked him why he was sitting there? What was his goal here?
He said I looked like a nice girl and I smiled.
He had no idea.
He recited how beautiful my eyes were, hitting all the points,
while I told him to be careful.
Sweet lies usually turned me off.
I asked him what he did in his life other than hitting on strange women
but he just laughed, shifted uncomfortably.
He usually didn't do this sort of thing he mumbled.
Sure he didn't.
So he asked why I was talking to him in return?
Fair question I thought.
I shrugged and said why not?
He could be fun and a free spirit such was mine liked fun.
He reads his book, frantically jotting down notes.
I would like to talk to him but what to say?
The moment I start jabbering I'll look like a fool or so history has proven.
I look like a bum today anyway,
a hoodlum with my bandanna and tattoo showing tank,
but since when have I cared about that?
I've always dug my own style.
He looks preppy.
He probably goes to some prestigious college, aspiring to work in a windowless office.
Nah, I don't want to save the whales with him.
I probably pegged him all wrong.
He's probably a convict or is married with twelve kids.
Yep, there's the ring.
Sometimes my inability to converse with people does indeed save my ass.
You may never walk through that door.
I may lie in this bed, confessing to paper, all my life.
These words grow.
When I turn off the light, I am still alone.
It is the same when rays pour through the blinds in the early morning.
Turning to my open door, you won't be waiting with a kiss.
Anticipating the end of the day, you won't be standing by the front door either.
You won't be there to hear the boring details of my boring day.
Will today be the day? I ask every day.
The answer is clear.
Outlook is dim.
I look for signs in odd places,
secretly dissecting generated computer horoscopes.
You many never knock on my door but what is there to do?
I may drown in this loneliness.
What is it to you?
You may not even exist.
When I turn off this light, I'll still be alone.
I return where I began, back to where my life took root.
I have sat in this chair more than a dozen times, I'm just a little older each time.
I am no longer a young girl unable to handle my alcohol but that's not all.
It is all or nothing with me but, like this chair, that's nothing new.
I see these people every day but how many see me?
This place knows me far too intimately, my tricks, my sadness behind my dazzling smile.
I confess my darkest sins here but it is of wasted breath.
There is a dark side on the other side of the light.
My smile is pure but don't be deceived.
I take many a man to bed and not care but it doesn't make me evil.
It started here, in this place, and I've never looked back.
Attachments bore me.
I may only love you for a night but to this place I will always be loyal.
People sit all around.
Conversations slide over my table but I don't mind.
My world is fairly quiet, only my rambling thoughts chatter.
Lovers sit in front of me, pulling at my heart,
asking what is always asks.
Why not me...
There's no one for me here
nor are there any prospects on the horizon.
Love will come.
That's what I tell myself anyway.
A family sits behind me,
fathers and daughters, mothers and sons,
my heart fawns over them but there is nothing I can do.
There is a storm coming.
Eventually I'll be off.
Maybe I'll just sit here though and let it pour down on me.
What's a little rain after all?
I laid in your arms like we used to
but I didn't want to hold onto you, just the feeling you gave me.
A man's arms is what I long for, something you offered for a brief moment.
You rode me into pleasure, to the tide of a womanly gratification,
allowing me to be the creature that I hide behind my innocent smiles.
You lure the seductress out of me but you always did.
The earth does not shatter when you walk out that door.
I have little desire for a man to reside in my home.
Every now and then I need to release into a man, to crawl to sweet kisses,
to be touched in ways only darkness allows.
You know where to go with me, no instructions needed.
We understand what we are to each other and that is nothing.
I am at your whim for those few hours when you leave me breathless.
You walk in and smile, knowing where we'll go.
I know that it is meaningless, preferring it so.
Pulling me close, you explore with each caress.
I won't stop you, I don't want to.
We never had problems inside crumpled sheets, just everywhere else.
You took me beyond my skin last night like you always do
but I didn't want to hold onto you, just that feeling.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.