Sleepy town Monday.
Everyone on their way into another week.
Couples walk hand in hand.
Business men pace.
Women bustle children about their errands.
It's a bright shiny Monday morning.
Me? I've nowhere to go, nothing tugging on my sleeves.
Sleepy town Monday.
We all have important things to do before the sun falls.
It will all be there tomorrow.
I'm not worried.
I'm not scared.
It's just another Monday,
regurgitated left overs from last week spilling into the next.
Sleepy town Monday.
No one smiles as they wonder where the weekend went.
Everything will recycle itself sure enough.
A man with a nose piercing walks by in a hurry
but what's the rush, man?
It only matters to him but now is just as good as time as any.
Sleepy town Monday.
It's a bore.
A fantastic opening to the hum drum week ahead,
all waiting for that glorious Friday at quitting' time.
We're let out of our cages into the world where the good times roll
until Monday rears it's sleepy head once again.
I need you to be honest with me.
If you cannot give me that, you have nothing to offer me.
Look at me and tell me your motives.
Give me the opportunity to say yes or no.
Maybe then we can make this work.
I need you to be true.
If you cannot show me that, you cannot show me anything.
Say what you mean and be clear about your loyalties.
Perhaps we can meet in the middle.
I need you to toss away your false identities.
If you cannot show me your face, you cannot be anyone to me.
Speak of who you are and not of who you pretend to be.
We could make this magical.
I need you to lose the fear that grips so tightly.
If you cannot stand up for me, you cannot stand up for anything.
Look at me and show me your courage.
Give me the opportunity to see your dazzling spirit.
Maybe then we can find our way.
Have I given up?
Let my hope die?
No, but I have resigned to the fact that the amazing I search for may not happen.
It's not so bad, right?
I have had love.
I've felt a broken heart.
I know what joy feels like.
Shouldn't that be enough that I've felt amazing?
Sometimes I just don't know if I am able to hold onto it.
It is not the fear of losing it that makes me hesitate?
It is more complicated then that, it has to be.
To love me, a man must accept every intricate part of who I am
but most I have no interest in offering that to them.
Have I agreed to settle?
Have I no more faith?
No, being alone is just easier.
By all means, I haven't had that many opportunities
and, in all honesty, maybe no other preference.
Sighing, I did not want you standing in front of me.
If I had had the power of wind at my beck and call, I would have made it blow you away.
You wanted to tell me something.
Important or not, I didn't want to hear it.
You insisted on taking a seat.
What was I to do but pretend to listen?
You said you adored me, that you missed me, that you wanted me back
but I had nothing for you.
Your brows crinkled at my silence,
waiting for my surrender but my conviction was firm when it came to you.
Go tell it to someone who cares, I said.
Your face turned red and I admit that was rude of me but I didn't give much of a damn.
Sighing, I would have made you disappear before you dropped those words
or spontaneously com-busted myself I had had the power.
Either way, our time was both wasted.
Packed like sardines, we waited for The Boss under the starry sky.
Music has a way into my soul, sparking my spirit.
Clear skies caked with anticipation for one man and his band
to swoon us with their melodies, harmonies, rock-n-roll.
He was no bigger than my pinky from where I stood,
just a man and his guitar I could barely see,
but he stood in front of us larger than life.
Badlands! The electricity went through the roof!
One sweaty body to the next, we were family through this boy from Jersey.
He sung about the American, bringing tears to my eyes.
He touched me as if he was right before me, stroking my cheek, kissing my lips.
I looked up at that big sky, asking the powers that be to find that kind of greatness in me,
to pluck me out of that crowd and give me wings like that man on stage.
He joked and we all laughed.
He made love to the piano on stage, sweat falling from his eyes.
I wanted to run up to that stage, to sit with him as if he was only playing for me
but he was playing for all of us, his loyal audience.
He was inspiring all of us to be dream catchers, to let our souls dance if just for a night...
I'll tell you how this is going to work but what's the use?
You're a stupid man and I'm a silly girl, never a great combination.
You're too full of shit for my taste.
I'm too painfully honest for yours.
So this is how it's going to happen, are you ready?
You go find your arrogant asshole kind.
I'll go find birds of my own feather.
Then we'll play eye footsie for the rest of our miserable employment together,
remembering what we once did and knowing those sheets will never get tangled again.
Lean to the left.
Now stay out of sight.
You stay out of my vision and I'll dance around yours.
What is your point anyway?
And what is my goal?
You are overflowing with yourself
and no matter how repulsed I am by you, you caught my eye.
I can't stand men like you...
Driving in the rain, I have no particular destination.
Somehow I ended up on the phone with you.
I was driving by your house.
I had no intentions of dropping by.
You sounded surprised to hear from me.
You told me you felt like you hadn't talked to me in forever
and I replied that you were dumb because you saw me every day.
You called me a smart ass.
I wanted to kiss you, probably would have done a lot more.
I know it doesn't make much sense.
I go from loathing you to loving you in seconds.
You asked what I was up to..
Nothing other then wasting gas. And you?
You were on your way to meet a friend but you'd give me a holler back.
You never would.
I was right.
Back home on my couch, I dozed off.
I didn't want you to call anyway.
Whatever you do in life, I hope it is filled with joy.
I hope you catch your heart's desire and never let it go.
I can say this now.
I still love you as much as I ever did, more then I could ever admit
and let you go just the same.
There is a greatness in you that made me shake.
Never lose your charm no matter how hard times come your way.
You have a beauty in you that I'll never see in anyone else again,
a magic in your soul that captivates.
Where ever you go, I hope that love touches you.
I hope you find that spirit to share your life with that matches your own.
I'm sorry I couldn't be the one
but I hope you find the one that compliments you, embraces you fully.
I can say this now
though I will always wish I had been that girl.
There is a kindness inside that was far greater then any of us.
Your tenderness always made me shiver.
Whatever you do in life, I'll always be the girl who loved you from a distance,
knowing that I never let you come any closer.
I don't know what I was thinking, why my car decided it was time to see you.
It was a night full of memories for you, for me.
All I kept thinking was that I needed to see your face.
It was raining.
Our best moments always happened in torrential downpours.
I asked god to throw me a sign to turn my car around and not park, to keep going.
There was road construction, broken asphalt and foggy windows
but I didn't take them as signs to stop.
No, I kept right on going, letting my car find its way through neon signs.
I can't tell you why but I started to shake, loathing my limbs that couldn't remain steady.
Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my keys and ran out into the rain.
A woman stood on stage in the smokey bar singing about the boy she used to love.
How fitting, I thought, I'm here for mine.
He asked me what he could get a pretty thing like me but I just asked for you.
He said you had moved to Arizona.
You had finally done it, I sighed, but I never thought you would.
I was all right as I ducked back into the rain.
I asked god to send you my love, the best in everything you do.
Then the tears came.
You were indeed gone from my life.
This city somehow felt lonelier then.
It was always comforting to know you were somewhere down the street,
to know that at any time our paths could have crossed
though they rarely did.
You are across the country now and I know this was how it should have always been,
our paths in two different directions.
Do not call me sweet names if you do not want my intimacy.
I won't have it.
I am no one's sweetheart.
I never will be.
You earn the right to call me such.
You do not take that privilege.
Call me nothing at all other then the name my mother gave me.
It is an insult to my intelligence.
Do not label me with your silly pet names.
Keep them for your Friday night delights
but not for a woman as strong as I.
We'll have a fabulous relationship
if you understand you have no claim on me.
No one will ever will.
Don't act as if your name sits on my lips.
I resent the act, the charade you put on.
You may have touched my bare skin,
placed your lips on the lovely parts of me
but don't be fooled that you have now branded me.
You still have no right to treat me so ugly.
I may be just another woman to you and that's fine
but all I ask is for a bit of respect.
I am no man's toy.
I lay with who I choose.
I leave when I want.
You own nothing of me.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.