And just for thought...
It started out so easily, you know.
I'll be with you this day and you the next and whatever.
We'll see where it goes but that was the problem.
It never went anywhere.
You'd wink at me occasionally from across the room,
walk by me with a whisper of those nights but you never went further than that.
It drove me crazy the way you would swagger by me and give me nothing
while my stomach had a circus in my intestines.
It was odd for me to react in such a fashion towards a man, towards you.
After all, the only thing I knew about you were the size of your shoulders.
Then, there was that night at that party and you plucked me out of the crowd,
seduced me in a way that I thought you were something that you weren't.
Sometimes I'm delusional, I know.
I have to admit I was able to drive home but I was playing your game.
We were driving, dreams in my eyes and passion brewing in my fingertips.
You told me to stop playing games, thinking that you had me figured out
but I just laughed.
What were you doing?
What else could I do?
You always looked at me in a funny way, like you knew more then I was telling.
Sometimes I wanted to slap you just as much as I wanted to climb on top of you.
The truth is it was me who had you all figured out.
You're quite simple once I threw all the mushy shit out.
We're both fools.
I probably still like you, probably too much.
My thoughts turn lude more often then I will admit.
But, maybe, it was all your fault all along.
It crossed my mind that first night and then the second;
the comments you would make, the terms you would use, the questions you would ask.
At first, you thought I wanted an instant family but you were wrong.
Then, you thought I wanted to be your personal play thing but you were wrong again.
I wasn't interested in either but you couldn't hear me when I tried to explain.
I just wanted to see where it went.
You had issues with me and maybe it had nothing to do with me.
You looked at my youth like it was some deadly disease.
You feared my child, scared you more than anything to do with me.
You asked so many questions about her but I never answered
because she had nothing to do with those passionate nights.
I've written so many poems about you, I don't know if I have anything left to say.
For a man who skimmed the essence of my life, you have inspired far too many words.
From now on, please ignore that I still blush every time you walk by
because really that's all you ended up being, just a blush on my cheek.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.