And just for thought...
I got older and I sit with my thoughts, reflecting on all the things gone.
Where once I wrote these words on paper and now on my trusty phone in my corner. I sat in that theater last night and all I could think about was how he would smile at that screen. Visions of Star Trek and sipping beer flooded my eyes, how gross it tasted and how I giggled at his face laughing at mine. I am older now and if he was still here we would be sitting beside each other, having a tequila shot or two and we would laugh at the other's face, wincing at that alcohol sliding down our throats. I didn't cry at the movie but I cried just the same because he would have loved that screen. And I'm fine to go on getting older, fine to get older without him but little memories catch my breath and I can't help but to miss him in those moments. I am fine to go on, to work, to take care of my family but I lose my balance in those moments, in these little memories of him and I. I will continue to get older without him, continue to move on without him because that is what I must do but sometimes when I feel him sitting beside me on a random afternoon I can't help but to wish I wasn't just imagining him. I will grow quiet, unable to speak because I don't know how to tell you that I'm lost in a memory in that moment, can't tell you how the sadness overwhelms because I am my father's daughter, the inherited stubborn pride of this man. I will smile, make a joke because the moments pass, these little memories that keep him close. I will continue to grow older without him, continue to hope that I made him proud even though I know he always was.
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AuthorAt the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile. Archives
January 2019
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