Fri, Dec 18, 2015

I got older and I sit with my thoughts, reflecting on all the things gone. 
Where once I wrote these words on paper
and now on my trusty phone in my corner.
I sat in that theater last night and
all I could think about was how he would smile at that screen. 
Visions of Star Trek and sipping beer flooded my eyes, how gross it tasted
and how I giggled at his face laughing at mine.
I am older now and if he was still here
we would be sitting beside each other,
having a tequila shot or two
and we would laugh at the other's face,
wincing at that alcohol sliding down our throats.
I didn't cry at the movie but I cried just the same
because he would have loved that screen.
And I'm fine to go on getting older,
fine to get older without him
but little memories catch my breath
and I can't help but to miss him in those moments.
I am fine to go on, to work, to take care of my family but I lose my balance in those moments,
in these little memories of him and I.
I will continue to get older without him,
continue to move on without him
because that is what I must do
but sometimes when I feel him sitting beside me on a random afternoon
I can't help but to wish I wasn't just imagining him.
I will grow quiet, unable to speak
because I don't know how to tell you
that I'm lost in a memory in that moment,
can't tell you how the sadness overwhelms
because I am my father's daughter,
the inherited stubborn pride of this man.
I will smile, make a joke
because the moments pass,
these little memories that keep him close.
I will continue to grow older without him,
continue to hope that I made him proud
even though I know he always was.