And just for thought...
I laid with him last night but my mind wandered.
Our bodies felt comfort in each other but I was not interested in anything else.
I asked myself why be there at that moment?
I will only run to a shower.
Is that what I am?
Just another face he can satisfy himself with?
I once thought I could erase the other with a casual kiss
but it just gave me another stain on my sheets.
He does not take away anything
nor does he release me from the shame I will always carry.
I go to him because I do not want to lay alone.
I know it will always be an overwhelming feeling of nothing left behind.
He accuses me of many a lover
but, at the moment, he is the only one I fancy.
I know I should at least find a liking to him
or maybe just learn some sort of tolerance for something beyond the bed
but this will do for now.
I tell myself every day I owe myself something more.
Aren't I worth some sort of healthy pleasure?
Shouldn't I demand kindness from these strangers?
I get side tracked by too many feelings, these instant gratifications.
I satisfied myself with him last night
but my heart ached for someone more.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.