And just for thought...
It was a hard hit, the realization that I was more invested,
that these faces could brush me off like a fly on their coffee.
Maybe I saw something in the friendship that wasn't there,
imagined that it was more then a building that held us together.
I had thought that bonds were formed, concern was cultured,
that the people staring back at me genuinely felt the same in return
but the seats weren't filled like they promised and no apologies were offered.
I planned and I gave and I was there like I had always been.
They shooed me away like a pestering child without a thought.
I guess I still held onto the hope that it had meant something,
that the smiles, the laughter, the tearful end had meant something.
I held onto the keep in touches, the we'll still hang outs
but those seats weren't filled, the ones I had saved.
I guess whatever it meant to me did not mean the same to anyone else.
Maybe I believed too much.
Maybe I should have known better but it felt right.
It felt right sitting around that table smoking cigarettes, laughing at our silly lives.
Maybe it was just me, maybe it was just me that fell in love with them.
It was hard to stomach, sitting there with so few of us
but the few of us that filled those seats understood.
We at least understood what we once meant.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.