And just for thought...
I remember the way he laughed,
The way he would smile at things that were never that funny,
How quickly he would poke just to make us giggle, just to make us smile.
I remember all the small habits he had,
The way he picked at his finger nails
And the way I sometimes find myself doing the same things.
When I look in the mirror quickly,
It is his reflection I see, his smirk that shines back.
It used to make me sad,
Make me miss him more
How much I resembled him
But now, now it reminds me he goes on.
This life comes in waves, sometimes tidal.
I can't catch my breath, can't find a seat
And then I hear him laugh through a memory.
I hear him sing through a breeze.
I am not without
But in the same breath I feel his loss.
Time goes by, longer and longer, I cannot see him.
Two years since I last saw his face
But it wasn't really him lying there that night
Because I know that he had already moved on.
I know that his life had already ended
And his spirit had already taken flight.
So what now?
What now two years later?
I have landed again back in old familiars
With souls that held me up that day, every day since.
I take note of the triumphs over the last two years
And I know that it has been because of him
I finally found my feet.
I know that it was in the belief he had in me,
The belief that I always shrugged off
Because I thought he had to believe in me.
I accept today that belief.
One day I can tell him all of these beautiful words.
Some day I'll tell him I finally found the courage he always knew I had, a courage that once terrified me never will again.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.