And just for thought...
I used to pick up the phone and imagine you were on the other end,
asking me how my day was, that you missed me, that you were a fool.
I would tell you about all the mistakes you made and laugh in some comical way
but your ghosts have all left me now, banished to where memories die.
I used to think that maybe one day I'd visit your grave,
leave some yellow roses for you like you used to on my car
and talk about all those times you were never there.
Together we weren't any good but I think we knew that even back then.
You were my spark and I was a forest fire you never meant to set.
For a moment, for one brilliant moment, I thought I would die without you.
I thought you were the answer to all my problems but you were problem all along
and I was always my own solution.
You were always silent on the other end of that phone line
no matter how hard I tried to imagine some soul mending conversation.
Your silence should have told me everything I refused to hear
and it did eventually... it did eventually...
Truth is I don't hate you anymore, don't even know you anymore.
I don't pick up that phone desperately wanting to hear you breath,
crossing my fingers that you haven't forgotten me.
I remember you told me once that you couldn't imagine a day without me.
I laughed and called you a liar, telling I was never really here
but you just put your fair in your face, stomped around in disgust with me
and I flew away like I always did, untouched by your fake concern.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.