And just for thought...
I suppose I could have eaten with you
to be ignored and unimpressed with meaningless conversation
only to return to my desk rebuffed and rejected.
It would have been another empty round of dialogue lost and
circles run for a plethora of new rationalizations of why
you said this or looked at me like that.
Hanging half in the car, you motioned for me into your back seat
but I smiled politely, shook my head, and drove off instead
to enjoy the pleasure of my own one sided conversation.
Now, I sit, thinking about what I am not missing;
the laughs, the jokes, the put downs.
We give this all in the name of our volatile coworker relationship.
I guess I could have wished her a happy birthday
but the invitation was last minute and didn't care to be honest.
I never want to seem like I'm hungry for anyone's company especially yours.
You called me "babe" this morning, about an hour ago to be exact.
I won't admit I liked it to you, to anyone, but it was the wrong circumstance.
The desire to slap you diminishes when the lights go out
but you don't get it, get me, and you never will.
I suppose I could have smiled pretty for you but I was never that girl.
I won't demean myself for your pleasure of being near me and
otherwise unnoticed, uninterested in the acts we so grandly put on for each other,
only to come back to my desk thinking I am less complicated by myself.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.