And just for thought...
I have always been a simple girl with the occasional complication.
I just wanted to love and be loved without confusing it with the politics of life
but the innocence of that pony tailed girl got confused along the way.
I learned that even the most gentle soul had the ability to destroy
and the most breath taking sunrise did always mean a new beginning.
The love became tainted, lost in a blanket of hurt, and then I just locked it away
because the world left that little girl crying when she stepped into it.
For years, I was a stone, incapable of making any real connections,
always believing those faces staring back at me were just waiting to pounce.
I stayed away, locked myself up between lines that I knew wouldn't hurt me.
I felt no remorse about cutting myself off from the possibilities that were beyond paper
but at night, alone in my darkness, I would hear that pony tailed girl sob.
I could feel the pain, the pain I had been running from, and I would shatter.
I could no longer reach her, pushed her too far back inside myself.
So life took me by surprise, heard the tears I wouldn't aknowledge in the daylight,
and planted a child inside my womb, gave me back my heart, gave me back my spirit.
And when I stared into that baby's beautiful eyes that pony tailed girl was free once again.
I felt her close to me and I knew we had both just been saved.
I knew whatever I was going to be as a woman was now going to be brilliant.
As I watch my little girl grow into a woman, I become stronger.
All of the broken pieces I once was have formed the beautiful imperfection that is me.
And when I look in the mirror, I no longer see the girl I thought I lost,
I see the woman, simple and complicated, and the pony tailed girl all in one piece.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.