And just for thought...
I am still unsure of this.
Logically, I know this is what I need.
A support group, something I have never had.
I can't help but to fear this.
It is much safer in my neurotic world to be on my own.
No one can get me.
Sarcasm is my best friend.
They tell me to let it go, let it all go.
Let all the anger out.
Let all my anger out for the world to see.
But why spread that kind of hate?
A new start is what this will bring but am I ready?
Does that mean I forget the hard road I have already taken?
They understand when I say nothing,
already knowing the shame that sits on my shoulder like an annoying parrot.
I carry it on my own still.
How do I let it go?
There is nothing that makes me feel whole.
I grow frustrated.
Aren't I supposed to be strong enough?
Isn't that what all this was supposed to teach me?
How do I fight a pain I cannot see?
I do not know what will help me
but the fear is too much for me not to ask for help.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.