Waves

It these nights when I fear the morning,
when I fear the loneliness I will wake to.
I do not know the answer to this riddle
nor am I sure of the point this parable is teaching.
I pray to a god who has shown me little mercy
and to a power I will never understand.
This night my emotions make my heart beat too fast.
I want to cry for the detours I was forced to take.

It comes in waves, you know.
If I could tell you what I needed, I would but I don't know.

These nights I dread going to that bed alone
because I know the emptiness makes me worse.
I take countless nameless men but it does not fix a damn thing.
I am tempted to give up, throw it all away.
I know, I have come too far.
The blood still stains my thighs, the pleas still echoing through the walls.
I detest these nights when my rage takes over
because I know the rage will still be here in the morning.