And just for thought...
I can't tell you in words what I can say with this hand but if I could I would tell you this.
I can tell you that aftet 36 years my bones creak.
I can tell you that after all is said and done,
after the sadness passes and the joy shines bright I am still just trying to figure it all out.
My temper flares but not out of anger.
The fire sparks when the world disappoints.
These highs and lows confuse
but steady I try to remain.
I drink my beer after a long day,
reflecting on my wrongs, the things I could have done better but I make no apologies, not anymore.
If I could just tell you how I feel,
I would tell you that my standards are too high.
I would tell you that I expect the best
and when it's not there my rage overflows
but it's not out of anger.
It's never out of anger, not anymore.
I will give you my last of anything if you need it
and won't apologize for it, not anymore.
If I could just say the words rather than write them I would tell you how much I love you,
how much it kills me to love you
and I don't feel ashamed, not anymore.
So I drink my beer at the end of this long day,
holding myself accountable
and I realize whatever the choice was I made,
it was the best I could do in that moment
and I won't apologize for expecting more.
At the end of the day, I'm just a girl who has been in love with writing her entire life. I am full of quirks, anxieties, fears, joys, laughter. And all I have wanted to do was give the world a smile.